


Stepping Stone

by FallLover



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Break Up, Cock & Ball Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Pining, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), RK900's name is nathan, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Whump, endgame Gavin/RK900, referenced handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:00:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallLover/pseuds/FallLover
Summary: Gavin and Connor have been having hate sex for a bit, until Connor gets sick of it and ends things, just when Gavin was going to confess his feelings. Depressed and trying to improve himself, Gavin listens to an odd proposition from Nathan.
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 12
Kudos: 128





	Stepping Stone

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this twitter thread](https://twitter.com/c0ffee_gremlin/status/1066993558920540160) by [@c0ffee_gremlin/white_carnations](https://archiveofourown.org/users/white_carnations)
> 
> Name from [the song of the same name](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqeqbS72Lm8) by Clannad.

“You are so pathetic.” Connor pushed his knee in harder on Gavin’s crotch, making Gavin groan and scrabble at the bedsheets some more. Connor was fully clothed, while Gavin was completely nude. Connor’s knee was pressed _hard_. “You didn’t catch the thumbprint on the lamp. Even an intern wearing sunglasses indoors and recovering from an all-nighter would have caught that.” 

They were at Gavin’s apartment, with the overhead light off, the small lamp on Gavin’s nightstand on, the place quiet around them except for Gavin’s breathing and scrabbling at the bed.

“Fuck you.”

Connor turned his knee ever so slightly, applying more pressure in a different spot. “Mmm, that would be rather boring.”

Gavin groaned and Connor pulled his knee away and grasped the human’s cock, squeezing hard so that Gavin came with a warbled moan.

Gavin shook as Connor let him go.

“Breathe,” Connor said, quietly. “You have to breathe.”

“I fucking know, fuck...” Gavin whimpered, slightly curling in on himself.

Connor looked at the pathetic picture that Gavin made, and considered reaching out. Gavin would likely bite at him or something. Softness wasn’t something between them.

Just anger.

Connor had already come twice before allowing Gavin the opportunity. He’d had Gavin carefully clean his cock, shaky with how hard he was, then Connor had dressed himself, and the moment Gavin realized Connor was just going to leave, when Gavin’s expression sank, Connor kneed him.

Nearly a month of this… arrangement, and Connor felt about as dirty as the first time he’d dragged Gavin into a closet to give him a talking to about an argument they’d had in front of some junior officers at a scene, when Connor realized Gavin was getting hard from it and _embarrassed_ about it.

“You get off on people talking down to you?” Connor had asked, confused.

Gavin snorted. “Not like… just _anyone_ doing it.”

Connor quirked an eyebrow. “Just me, then?”

Gavin had looked away, even more embarrassed. “Look, sorry, it’s… Fucking just forget about this, all right?”

Connor had… smirked. “Wow. Who knew _this_ was how to get you to be submissive for once?”

At which point Gavin had glared, no matter that he was shorter or just a human. And his flush had darkened. “Fuck you.”

Connor had moved closer in on Gavin’s space, crowding him against a wall. Gavin’s heartrate had sped up, and he was breathing quickly. “But we both know that’s not what you want.”

Gavin swallowed, then abruptly grinned, almost shark-like. “Oh yeah? And are you gonna put your money where your mouth is?”

That progressed to Connor taxiing to Gavin’s place after a long day, and sometimes even driving home with him in stony silence before Connor would destroy a bratty Gavin repeatedly back at Gavin’s place. Connor realized he liked having something he could exert control over in a world that continued to demonstrate the many ways it hated androids, and Gavin seemed to enjoy being a sex doll for Connor to work out his frustration.

Nothing really changed at work. Gavin was less… abrasive, generally, but they weren’t _friends,_ even though Connor _did_ try to reach out, offering to go with him to get food or just staying nearby on the rare occasions they had to work together, even not biting back as much when Gavin started another of his pissy screeds about Connor’s lack of experience or whatever it was that came to Gavin’s pea brain mind.

Although usually in that instance, Connor _would_ bite back and they’d end up fucking later in the evening over it.

Connor thought that might have been why things weren’t changing - their regular toxic behavior only led to good things, at least for Gavin. Why change it?

He picked up the glass of water off the nightstand and held it out.

Gavin eventually grabbed it without a thank you and slowly drank some down, trying not to touch his bruised balls.

“Get some sleep,” Connor ordered, his gaze distant. “…I’ll see you at work.”

“Yeah, yeah...” Connor could tell Gavin wasn’t even really paying attention to him. He slumped back down on the bed, like usual. Perhaps an actual dom would be able to draw him back properly, guide him through aftercare… but anything Connor could think of just felt like more punishment that Gavin had a history of not responding to or rejecting.

Connor had no desire to put himself where he wasn’t wanted, and he was starting to get used to his absence being unwelcome if sex wasn’t involved.

Connor didn’t sigh as he left. He was an android. He could just be annoyed in silence.

* * *

Gavin had decided. He was going to tell Connor. He hadn’t spoken to Tina about it. It was silly. When Connor said yes, _then_ Gavin would tell her. Well... probably more people would know anyway. Maybe they’d start dating or whatever? That’d be...

Gavin flushed. It’d be _weird as shit_. But he could get used to it. Then Connor could probably corner him in the car and tell him he wrote reports like a second grader or whatever. While glaring with that dismissive gaze of his.

Hot.

Gavin knew he was a goner the minute the asshole copped his ass in the archives. Fuck.

Add in Gavin’s competency kink – which maybe any android with a shooting module would have - and the fact that Connor was, well, pretty and smart and fucking kind and liked animals...

Gavin had fallen pretty damn hard before he’d realized it.

And yeah, things were rough. Gavin was kind of awful, but things could change. They were already looking up. Connor was proof that Gavin could change. Gavin was already like… not kicking the android out after sex – even if Connor never really stuck around – and more open to any of Connor’s ideas for what to do, and basically just let Connor run things entirely, and hadn’t even bitten back, really, the last time they were together, which he was planning to continue. And he’d just get better and it might be a turnaround on things. He was already toning down the crude language at work and suppressing the snarky comments a bit and working on his conflict resolution stuff with extra classes and readings in his spare time.

Progress.

He’d practiced what he was gonna say. It’d be cool. People said “I love you” all the time right? It was normal.

“I love you, so wanna go out some time?” Ah, people had said dumber shit.

So, it was with some surprise that Connor pulled him into the closet at work again. Where they’d started this whole thing. But it was cool. Gavin was into it if Connor was. He hadn’t quite picked a time to confess, but he was gonna make a move in the next day or so. That’d be good. Game plan starter, sort of, right?

“We need to talk,” Connor said, his expression serious. God, he was hot when he was intense about something… Like he could just split you in half with a look. Even surrounded by cleaning supplies, it was sexy.

“...Oh?”

“We need to stop seeing each other.”

The record that was Gavin’s brain stopped playing. He stared, caught in half a shit-eating grin.

“Our relationship is highly toxic, and I do not... enjoy our encounters,” Connor continued. “They’re empty and miserable.”

“I...” It felt like someone was dialing a number in his brain and no one was picking up. “So why keep doing them this long?” He didn’t know what else to say.

“I got something out of them,” Connor replied. His expression was unreadable. “It was like a hyperfixation, but now the interest has faded. And we should move on.”

“But I—"

Connor stared at him, his expression… detached, at best. Disinterested. It was obvious, now that Gavin wasn’t blinded by his fucking dick and was desperately trying to figure out _what the fuck—!_

“I...” _love you, say you love him!_

...Gavin was going to be better, right? He was going to be _better_. For Connor. And that meant respecting his choices. And being realistic, instead of keeping his head in his ass.

Even if he told Connor now, so what? Gavin was still _himself_ , and Connor clearly wasn’t into that.

Gavin knew he was slow at changing. Should have tried harder to get Connor to stick around when Connor came over. Maybe done something romantic. Said… a million things.

But the truth of it was… guys like Connor didn’t end up with guys like Gavin. 

Gavin was lucky. 

Connor was dumpster diving.

“Well?” Connor asked.

“It’s nothing,” Gavin replied. It’d be petty. And pathetic, to say it now. “…Okay.”

Connor blinked at him. “That’s it then?”

His heart in his throat, Gavin replied, “...I guess so.”

* * *

Connor blinked. “All right.” He studied Gavin for a bit, noting that Gavin’s heart rate had picked up. Possibly anger? He didn’t particularly care to stick around for that, and was surprised that Gavin wasn’t doing anything yet, and had reacted so blandly. Likely the surprise of Connor breaking things off.

But that was the way Gavin was. Connor could eviscerate him one evening and the next morning Gavin would be the same as ever, as if nothing had happened, and even rare up with a new, unrelated disagreement. Likely Gavin would just move on to someone else. Given his one-track mind when it came to fucking, perhaps he was simply mentally rearranging his schedule about finding a new fuckbuddy, or reaching out to an old one.

“So... I’m going to go...” Connor said.

“...Yeah, cool.”

Connor stepped back and out of the closet.

* * *

Gavin stared at the spot Connor vacated for a bit, then went to the bathroom - the corner one on the fourth floor that no one ever used because it was near the cold case archives and no one ever went there enough or knew it was there besides the janitors.

He locked himself in a stall and stared at the tan floor tiles. His breathing sped up. Tears flooded his face until he couldn’t see. His throat burned. But he didn’t make any other noise.

He was used to this bit. Although the last time he’d actually confessed _before_ getting turned down. He’d learned the hard way that confessing was a mistake.

But Connor seemed... okay. Like he _got_ it. They clicked. Sure, it was a lot of hate sex but it... kept going? So, like an idiot, Gavin decided he wanted to give it a chance. People confessed and good things happened sometimes, right? Gavin had seen it happen. Well, heard about it, anyway.

Gavin had fallen too easily again. He always did.

Gavin let himself cry for another ten minutes, then wiped his face off, scrunched it up a bit and made all kinds of expressions to make the redness go away, straightened his shoulders, and left the stall.

As he walked back into the bullpen, Fowler shouted, “Gavin! Where have you been? I don’t fucking care, my office, now!”

It gave Gavin an excuse to not check Connor’s desk, anyway, so he marched over.

He stepped into the office and noticed there was already someone besides Fowler in the room, who looked like... For a second, his heart raced, thinking it was Connor, reporting him for something. Maybe all the fucking hate sex. But then the stranger turned to him and… gray eyes stared back at him, not Connor’s familiar brown ones.

“This is Nathan,” Fowler said. “Your new partner. He’s training up, like Connor, since he’s got many of the same skills and information downloads that Connor has, but he lacks field experience. So, you’ll be supervising, Gavin.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Detective Reed,” Nathan said. Even his voice sounded a little different. Colder. Smoother. He even had slightly broader shoulders, his jaw was a little more square.

But he was still too similar. Too… _Connor_.

“…I can’t…” Gavin said, quietly. He was still standing near the door, which had shut behind him. Like a deer in the headlights as Fowler and… _Nathan_ watched him.

Fowler sighed. “Look, Gavin, I know you have… issues with androids, but you need to get over it. Nathan comes highly recommended, and by Connor, and Jericho, of all places, and he’ll be an asset. We need more perspectives on this team.”

There were a thousand things Gavin wanted to say. He could yell. He could storm off. He could quit. There was no good scenario for him being partnered with Connor’s _clone_.

…But it was selfish. Things were changing, right? Gavin could change. He _would_ change. Maybe this was Connor reaching out, still, to help. Not like… to get them dating or anything, but just… a sign that Gavin needed to keep changing. Gavin was going to be _better_ , after all. He could certainly start by realizing the guy sitting in front of him wasn't just a fucking _clone_ and was his own damn person.

No wonder Connor had fucking ended things.

“…Okay.”

Fowler opened his mouth, then blinked in surprise, clearly prepared to argue. But when Gavin just looked at him, Fowler continued, “...Okay?”

“…Yeah. It’s fine.” He swallowed. He looked over at the android. “Welcome to the team, Nathan. You got a last name?”

“Arkhait,” Nathan replied. “Although it’s not really official, yet.”

“Connor’s last name?”

“Yes. He took me in, sort of, after I was discovered in Cyberlife’s lower levels.”

“Well I’m pleased as punch you two are getting along so well,” Fowler said, still frowning at Gavin in confusion, "but how about Gavin shows you your new desk and updates you on his open cases, and you two do all that _outside_ my office?”

“Yes, sir,” Nathan said, walking towards the door. He gestured for Gavin to precede him.

“Actually, Gavin, a moment?” Fowler added. “Go on, Nathan.”

Nathan nodded and stepped out.

“Gavin, I don’t need to remind you that assaulting a fellow officer would not be a good idea, particularly for you, correct?”

“…Yes, Sir.” They both knew what incident Fowler was referring to. Not that Gavin had even tried anything since then, but, well… It was hard to forget.

Of course Connor hadn’t wanted to stay with him. Of course Gavin’s pathetic little changes hadn’t meant anything after that.

Gavin kept his expression stable, but still couldn’t quite meet Fowler’s eyes.

“Good. Dismissed.”

* * *

Working with Nathan wasn’t… the worst. He was smart and quick and thoughtful, and intimidating during interrogations. He was efficient, of course. He struggled with some of the more delicate bits of figuring cases out, but Gavin figured he’d get it in time. He was more advanced than Connor, after all. That was Nathan's word "advanced". "Superior", "faster", "smarter". Connor and Nathan often joked with each other about it when Gavin could hear, so Gavin assumed it was fine.

Gavin buried himself in his work. With Nathan there, they joined Hank and Connor on crimes involving androids. It was odd, assigning just the android officers to android crimes, but Connor couldn't track _all_ the thirium everywhere on his own. Fowler still gave them regular work, but...

It didn’t help Gavin’s mood. He was cranky and snarly on the worst days, distant on the best, and always went home to get drunk on days they had to do things together, then came back in as early as possible while recovering from his hangover, which only made him angrier and harder to deal with.

After a few too many sharp words, Tina started being more distant, which of course reflected Gavin being even more distant to _her_. He apologized, profusely, but the damage was done. He didn’t talk about his dumb shit with Connor. Why would she want to hear about that weak shit? _“Oh, you hate fucked someone until they said ‘naw, not my scene’, and you were surprised?”_ He couldn’t bear that. He already knew how stupid and naive he’d been.

He also kept his distance from Nathan. Polite as necessary to get the job done, helpful when needed, but he didn’t engage otherwise. Nathan seemed completely different from Connor, from what little Gavin could observe, personality-wise. Nathan didn’t like dogs, for starters, and he was a bit chillier in conversation, and far more likely to just get to the point of things without Connor's sometimes manipulative bullshit. Nathan could still fuck with you, and maybe you couldn't quite figure out how, but you at least didn't think he was pretending to be your friend while doing it (most of the time). Their fashion sense was also different: Nathan preferred sharp pants and shirts that highlighted his defined musculature. Connor was a bit more colorful and cheery, leaning towards some of Hank’s bad fashion sense.

But Gavin couldn’t get past how similar they looked, even with the eyes. Nathan was _definitely_ a little taller and broader than Connor, but it wasn’t enough. At a distance, Nathan looked just like Connor.

Gavin and Connor weren’t talking. They were cordial, but they weren’t talking. Gavin grit his teeth through it, and always found something else to do so they didn’t spend time together. Being nice to Connor felt like stabbing himself. It felt like desperation and like he was hoping Connor would come back to him, which of course was never happening, so he just kept his distance whenever possible.

Apparently Gavin wasn’t _that_ good at changing.

Gavin was tired of crying almost every night. His face hurt. He was always _exhausted_. He’d forgotten what being happy felt like. Getting drunk helped sometimes, because he could forget a little, and fall asleep easier, but it… wasn’t the same. He never beat off, since it made him think of Connor, which just _hurt,_ so he was always on edge. Connor’s comments in the closet should have been _enough_ for him, but they only left him weary.

* * *

“So, I think Connor and Hank are dating,” Tina said during break one day. They’d gone out to a food truck for the first time in a while, with Gavin trying to mend some bridges and Tina tentatively accepting.

“…What?” Gavin said, staring at the crosswalk nearby, not knowing how else to respond, feeling pulled back to that record-stopping feeling he'd been experiencing far too much lately.

“Have you seen how touchy-feely they are lately? They’re always brushing each other’s arms or shoulders, and they have these like… soft smiles for each other. And I’m just saying I’m like 86% sure they were kissing in the car when I came into work the other day.”

One part of it would have been a stab in the gut. But together…

Gavin used to have a crush on Hank, when he’d started working at the DPD. The guy had been _something_ when he was younger and the top officer on the force. Attractive, brilliant, funny, with a great voice and a way of just… owning whatever space he was in. But the luster had faded with time, when their personalities clashed and Hank’s more recent fall from grace. Hank taking Connor’s side over Gavin’s before the Revolution, and just generally being a dick right back to him… Yeah, there was a reason Gavin had only responded to Connor’s dominance.

Of course, he should have expected this, what with how the pair had been partnered for so long and how things turned out. Now Connor would get even more of what he’d been missing with Gavin, because Hank was recovering now and flourishing. More like he was before his descent.

“…Oh,” was all Gavin could finally say.

“Yeah. Hey, Gavin, you need to move up in the line.”

* * *

“Is something wrong, Gavin?”

Gavin blinked and saw Nathan staring back at him. The bullpen was quiet and they were both at their desks, just working normally. No scenes to visit. Just paperwork and waiting for other units to finish their jobs. “What?”

“You’ve been staring into space for half an hour and you’re not writing up your report.”

Gavin snorted. Of course, fucking efficiency monitor. “Everything’s fine, Nate.”

“I’ve noticed your mood has been down for most of our interactions.”

_The fuck?_

“You are almost always gloomy and jaded, but today seems especially bad. Did something happen?”

Gavin huffed. “No. Nothing happened.” He went back to his report. Fucking weirdo. Goddamn androids always studying him like a science experiment…

Then he grimaced, realizing he was being a real prick, when Nathan clearly was just checking in with him, and said, “…Thanks for asking, though.”

“No problem. If you want to talk, I’m here.”

* * *

When Gavin went to his car after their shift, Nathan followed.

Gavin paused before getting in. “What do you want, Nate?”

“I… have a proposition for you.”

Gavin noticed Nathan was weirdly nervous. His expression was troubled. Something was obviously up. “Yeah, what?”

“Perhaps it would be better to speak in the car.”

Gavin sighed and unlocked the vehicle before getting in. Nathan joined him. The car was… weirdly intimate, despite the fact that they both used it often enough for work.

“I understand you and Connor had a sexual relationship.”

Gavin froze.

“Connor told me. He explained that was likely why you’re so distant with me, because we share an appearance, on top of your anti-android biases, although I personally believe the latter has faded.”

“…So what? Yeah, Connor and I fucked, and?”

“I was wondering if you would like to fuck me, instead.”

Gavin turned to _stare_ at him.

Nathan’s expression was unreadable. They might as well have been talking about the fucking weather.

“…What?”

“Sex can relieve tension and provide a dopamine rush, as well as ease sleeping. Clearly you are attracted to someone with my appearance, so that should help turn you on, and your lack of a need for a romantic attraction will make the entire process easier.”

“My lack of a…?” Gavin just stared.

“It’s just sex. Although since we get along, I think it could be good emotionally, too.”

“…So, you’re, what… just offering yourself up as a sex doll?”

“No. I want to help you, and you are rather attractive. I don’t do hook-ups often, but I think this would be good.”

Gavin stared at him, taking in the nervousness, the odd comments… “…You have a crush on me,” he guessed. Could just be a bet, but Nathan didn’t seem that much of a gambler. Well… maybe, given this whole conversation, Gavin should re-evaluate that opinion.

Nathan tilted his head. “I don’t know you well enough yet, but maybe it’s something like that.”

“If Connor told you we had sex, then he probably told you how _that_ ended, so you know I’m not someone you should have a crush on.”

“I’ll leave Connor’s conclusions to him. I like what I see.”

Gavin grimaced. Definitely a fucking crush, then. He sighed. “Yeah, fine, whatever. You wanna fuck me?”

“Yes." Then... was Nathan fucking _blushing_? "Well... I mean I’d be open to that, but I—"

“Fuck, Connor didn’t tell you what our positions were did he? Shit, don’t even answer that question.” Gavin started the car and they drove off.

When they got to Gavin’s apartment, he pulled his jacket off and watched Nathan look around the place. The android’s expression was still unreadable. Maybe he was still a little nervous, but… maybe not, it was hard to tell.

Gavin certainly didn’t feel weird going for a hook-up with his work partner, no sirree. Just two guys being dudes, yanno?

Gavin threw his jacket on the sofa, feeling disgusted with himself. But then, what was new?

“This… is not what I imagined your home would look like,” Nathan finally added.

“Oh? What were you expecting?”

“Lots of containers of alcohol.”

“What the fuck?!”

“You come in most days smelling a little of the stuff, so I assumed there would be some here.”

Gavin snorted. “Well I go out for that shit. And I recycle. I’m smart enough to not just have beer cans everywhere, fuck.” He scratched his neck. This was going _swimmingly_. “So how do you want to do this?”

“How did you and Connor—?”

Gavin scowled. “Look, just… _don’t_. I’m not fucking Connor 2.0. I’m fucking _you_. This was your idea.”

“…Very well.”

When Gavin didn’t do anything, Nathan shrugged his jacket off onto the couch as well and stepped forward and took hold of Gavin’s chin, tilting it up, before leaning down slightly and kissing him.

The kiss was soft at first, curious. Perhaps more surprising was the gentleness. He was used to being pushed up against a wall or tugged to the bed or the couch or the floor or really anywhere. It was what he preferred, honestly. Quick and dirty, get right to the _good_ stuff, when Gavin didn’t have to flail about trying to get everything right for someone who would shortly discover Gavin was _not_ what they were into.

Gavin closed his eyes and leaned into it, figuring, well, might as well. He didn’t want to lead. If he led, he’d do the same shit he did with Connor and that wasn’t cool.

But Nathan’s hesitance was even more obvious, now.

When they broke for air, Gavin said, “So this isn’t your first time, yeah? You said you’ve had hookups before.”

“Yes,” Nathan replied.

“Cool, then. Uh... bedroom’s this way.” He led Nathan over, not waiting for a reply, walked to the nightstand lamp and turned it on, so the room light was muted.

Nathan looked around, then turned to Gavin.

“So?” Gavin asked, shrugging, “It have your seal of approval?”

“You don’t have to impress me,” Nathan said, smiling.

Gavin laughed. Seen right through, of course. “Yeah, I know that ain’t happening.” He walked back over, and since Nathan wasn’t taking the initiative, pulled him back into a kiss.

Nathan cupped Gavin’s cheek, lightly brushing his thumb back and forth over Gavin’s warm cheeks.

Gavin reached forward and tugged at Nathan’s shirt.

Nathan pulled away and quickly tugged his shirt off, dropping it to the floor.

Gavin’s hands ran over Nathan’s skin, curious and a little shaky with need.

“Fuck you’re _built_ …” Gavin murmured, grinning.

Nathan reached forward to tug at Gavin’s shirt.

Gavin started to pull the shirt off when Nathan tipped him back and onto the bed. Nathan followed him down, and bracketed the human with his stupid buff android arms.

Gavin snorted, wiggling out of the shirt. “What the fuck, dude?”

Nathan smiled and started peppering kisses down Gavin’s chest as he reached for Gavin’s fly.

Gavin lay back and shut his eyes, canting his hips ever so slightly. When he looked back up to Nathan’s face, he froze at how startlingly alike Nathan was to…

“Is something wrong?” Nathan asked, pausing with his hands on Gavin’s pants as he’d started tugging them down.

“I…” Gavin swallowed. “No. Nothing. It’s fine.”

Nathan frowned. “Gavin, we’re about to have sex. Honesty is usually good in this situation.”

Gavin snorted. “Fucking hell… You look like Connor. A lot. It’s hard to ignore, okay? And not just in the ‘oh, this’ll make sex easier’ way.”

“…Is it a problem? Should we stop?”

Gavin looked away. “I mean, this is good. You’re doing good stuff. I just…” He frowned and looked back at Nathan. “Wait, what? I said you you’re making me think of someone else and you’re worried about _me_?”

“Of course. You’re distressed.”

“I’m not—!” Gavin sat up, annoyed. “I’m _fine_ , okay? But I don’t… What are you even getting out of this if I’m pretending you’re someone else?”

“ _Are_ you pretending I’m someone else?”

“I’m trying not to, but… it’s hard, okay? I thought it’d be easier because you’re both so different, but… I mean I know you’re different people and shit, I just…” He grimaced.

“Whatever makes you comfortable is fine with me, Gavin.”

“But what the fuck do you get out of this?”

“I said you are attractive and I am interested in you. Whether or not you reciprocate is immaterial, so long as this is consensual and _you_ get something out of it. I will feel accomplished and satisfied.”

Gavin _stared_ at him. “I still don’t get this ‘I’m cool being a sex doll’ attitude.”

“Interestingly, that’s what Connor said about _you_.”

Gavin stiffened. Well… yeah, but that was how _Gavin_ was. He was used to people just fucking him for their own gratification and then running off into the night. If he started being against it, he’d never _get_ any.

And here he was, backpedaling in his own head about moody shit, and Nathan was just _looking_ at him, thinking over whatever the fuck he’d talked with Connor about.

"...I clearly mistook it for the truth. I apologize." Nathan frowned. "I thought I was putting Connor's conclusions aside as they were his, but..."

"It's fine, Nate." Gavin sighed.

After a while of Gavin not saying anything, Nathan asked, "...Gavin?"

“…Can you choke me out?” Gavin asked, needing a distraction. Plus, it was good to know if Nathan was into that kind of thing.

“Is that what you want?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

* * *

They didn’t end up doing much, although Nathan was pretty good at the whole choke-out thing, making Gavin wonder if he’d done it before. Nathan was pretty good at handjobs, too, which was nice. Gavin lay there on the bed afterward, wiped out, breathing hard, and Nathan sat with him, gently running his hands over Gavin’s stomach with a towel to clean him off. Nathan had fetched the towel, as well as some juice and a bag of candy before they really started, and also turned the thermostat up a bit. Gavin realized it wasn’t just so all his bases were covered, but… it also meant that Nathan didn’t have to leave while Gavin came down. When Gavin was clean, Nathan pulled the blanket over Gavin and sat there, gently rubbing Gavin’s arm through the blanket. Nathan’s expression was unreadable.

It was easy to pretend the tears were from being choked out, and Nathan didn’t say anything about it. If Connor was here, Gavin might have backpedaled and kicked him out or just gone to the bathroom and ignored him until he left, but Gavin just didn’t have the energy. And the touches were… were nice.

“I’m probably gonna fall asleep… but if you wanted to do something…”

“Did _you_ want to do more?”

“Naw. Tired. That was good.”

“All right. I’m good as well. Did you want me to leave? I can wait until you wake up.”

Gavin swallowed, which still kinda hurt. It wasn’t that Connor was ever cruel about aftercare, but now that Gavin was actually _considering_ it… It was almost worse. He realized what he’d pushed away before. “Naw. You can head out.”

“I’ll leave after you fall asleep.”

Gavin sighed and shut his eyes. “Whatever.”

Nathan kept up those gentle, slow strokes on his arm. It was… soothing, really, and helped lull him to sleep.

* * *

Going back to work was… weird. If Gavin was still with Connor, things would just be normal, with their usual banter or avoiding each other.

With Nathan, Gavin still kind of avoided him, but that was harder, given they were partnered. And Gavin would still sometimes blush whenever Nathan was too close. When they talked it was… more uncomfortable, with Gavin tripping over normal sentences he’d normally just get out without thinking.

Nathan was guileless. He acted like normal. But Gavin started noticing how often the guy just _watched_ him. Not like, in a creepy way. Nathan just… paid attention to everything. But particularly to Gavin. Sometimes it seemed like Nathan was going to say something, when Gavin felt truly uncomfortable, but he never did. He _did_ move the conversation on to other things, or back off when Gavin needed him to.

It was nice, really. Even Gavin could tell they were somehow _getting_ each other, and worked well together. The sex hadn’t really changed that.

It wasn’t that long before Nathan followed Gavin to his car again and they drove back to Gavin’s place for the evening.

Things were slow again, with some kissing, some groping, some pointed rubbing… but this time they actually both got on the bed, naked, and Gavin ended up with a thing of lube that Nathan commented “he didn’t really need”.

“What, you got like… a self-lubricating fleshlight down there or something?”

Nathan snorted. “It would be nigh impossible for you to hurt me ‘fucking me dry’ with your normal human cock.”

“Oh, well, excuse _me_ , Mr. I Have a Super Magic Asshole and Gavin Has a Tiny Dick, maybe I just want to make sure I’m not putting my dick in a meat grinder.”

Nathan smiled. “Whatever makes you more comfortable.”

“Yeah.” Gavin lubed up his dick.

“And I don’t think you have a tiny dick. Even if you did, I think your dick looks quite nice.”

Gavin snorted. “Well don’t you know how to make a guy blush.” And he _was_ blushing. _Fuck me_.

“Well you do look rather nice when you blush.”

Gavin scoffed and looked up to see Nathan smiling at him. Not mockingly. Just… content. Which was _something_ for a guy who was naked and kind of spread-eagled on Gavin’s old bed with its worn solar system sheets.

It was a nice smile.

Connor had never smiled at him like that.

Gavin’s own grin faltered and he felt whatever lust he’d had flag, _hard_.

Nathan’s eyes widened in alarm. “What just happened? Is something wrong?”

Of course the fucker was probably scanning him. Just the way his damn eyes worked.

“No, it’s… I…” Gavin swallowed and moved forward, dropping the lube bottle to the side and placing his hands on Nathan’s thighs. Nathan had nice legs. Gavin lightly ran his hands over the skin there, which made Nathan make a soft half-moan. “You like that, huh?” Gavin could _do_ this. He was fine.

Until he made the mistake of looking up again to see Nathan’s blissed out expression, and how he was still _watching_ Gavin, with a look of… fondness.

Only it was _Connor_ looking at him. But _not_ Connor, too. Gray eyes, not brown, looked at him. Nathan had fewer freckles, and a slightly stronger jaw. His shoulders were broader.

But he was looking at _Gavin_ like… like…

Like Connor _never_ would. Not at Gavin. Not after their fights. Not after Connor broke things off. Not when Connor would barely even look at him now. Not when Connor was happily dating Hank. Gavin had seen them together himself, now. All the touching. The soft looks.

Connor would _never_ have looked at Gavin like he looked at Hank.

No one would.

“Gavin, what’s wrong?” Nathan pushed himself up to a sitting position and reached forward to brush away the tears Gavin hadn’t quite noticed.

“…It’s nothing.”

“Gavin…”

“It’s my own damn problem, okay? I just… have to get over it.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m happy to listen.”

Gavin shut his eyes and wiped his arm over his eyes. “It’s no different than normal, dude.”

“I don’t want to see you in pain.”

Gavin scoffed and tried to make light of it, “Kind of weird to say when you choked me out last time.”

"Auto-erotic asphyxiation is different to emotional distress.”

Gavin grimaced.

Nathan reached out, but Gavin flinched away. Nathan paused and just stared, before putting his hand down.

Gavin shut his eyes. “I keep seeing _him_. Every time. I’m sorry.”

“…It’s understandable.”

“It’s pathetic.”

“...You miss him.”

Gavin could lie. He _should_ lie.

“Is it because of what we’re doing?” Nathan asked, his tone… far too gentle for what Gavin had admitted. “Should we be doing something different?”

“No, this is… like the kissing and shit is hot. The other day was great.”

“…Then it’s _him_ you miss, not necessarily what you did together.”

“I mean the stuff he and I did was good.” Gavin was blushing. You _didn’t_ talk about fucking someone else when you were literally about to fuck someone. That just… it didn’t make any sense.

“But you miss him. Have you talked to him about this?”

Gavin snorted. “Talk about what? My pathetic ass wanting more from—” He swallowed. “He moved on. That’s _it_.”

Nathan’s eyes widened. “…You cared about him before he broke things off.”

Gavin grimaced.

Nathan looked into the distance for a moment. “Connor… did not know that. And you didn’t tell him…?”

“I’m not that good with the whole _feelings sharing_ shit, in case this pseudo-pictionary therapist session isn’t a clue.”

“And you still have feelings for him.”

“…He’s happy with Hank. And he didn’t want… he didn’t want to keep going with whatever we were doing, so… so it doesn’t matter.”

“But he’d want to know you’re hurting.”

“Why? To make him feel bad?” Gavin scoffed, feeling his throat close up, his eyes water, his nose get all gross... Fuck, he must look like a mess… “You’ve seen how I treat him, and you weren’t even around for all the _actual_ shit. He’s better off.”

“But _you’re_ not.” Nathan wiped the tears from Gavin’s cheeks again. “And you’re not _terrible_ to each other, now. You avoid each other and don’t really speak, but I get the impression from you both that you want some kind of working platonic relationship, at the least. Keeping this buried when it’s actively hurting you—”

“I was _going_ to say something,” Gavin interrupted. “But… Connor ended it before I finally bit the bullet and just fucking _said_ something… so I didn’t. Now it’s just unfair to bring it up. It’d just be bitter and… bad.”

Nathan was quiet for a bit, before saying, “I clearly can’t come up with anything that will comfort you. I can see this hurts you, though. I wish I could do something.” He frowned, then asked, “What is it you need?”

“I…” Gavin sighed. “I don’t know. I just want to not _hurt_ , you know?” He shook his head. “I don’t know how to explain it.” He met Nathan’s eyes. “How are you not like… asking to leave?”

“I want to be here for you.”

Gavin blinked. “You seriously have a crush on me?” He hadn’t taken it that seriously before. Nathan was a jokester at the oddest times – it was one of the reasons they sort of got along – and could match Gavin for sarcasm.

“Yes.”

“…But like I’m… into some other guy.”

“I haven’t been known for making the healthiest of decisions for myself.” Nathan smiled softly. “Joining the DPD, for starters, considering policing history with my species. But I wanted to be closer to Connor, so I chose to come here. I expected nothing but hostility. And there has been some, of course.”

“…What?”

Nathan smiled. “Officer Sanders thought it would be a good idea to try some hazing, with a few other officers. They had outdated android specs and my uniform was easily cleanable. I doubt their hands recovered as quickly. And of course I reported it all to Captain Fowler. Were I human, likely the peer pressure would get to me. But if I am forced to leave this position, it’s hardly the end of the world. Which… gives me some leeway in ‘reporting their asses’, as I’d believe you’d say.”

Gavin smirked. “You fucker.” His expression hardened as he mentally cursed himself for not paying attention before. “…But… I didn’t even know.” How had he not spotted that shit? Usually he could spot the shit stirrers at it long before they even made a move. But they’d… actually _assaulted_ Nathan, and Gavin hadn’t had a fucking _clue??_

Some detective he was.

“You’ve had your own problems. And you’ve been nothing but supportive otherwise.”

Gavin snorted. “Dude, I fucking ignore you when we’re working.”

“You acknowledge my suggestions, and course correct or teach when I’m wrong. Just yesterday I jumped to some conclusions too quickly on potential suspects, and you were careful in your explanation of why the decision was too hasty, without being patronizing. Then we moved on. Connor was actually nearby, and noted that you didn’t lord your correctness over me, like he thought you might.”

“…Yeah. He knows my number.”

“But he doesn’t, really, because he was surprised. You’re a good supervising officer, and I’ve learned a lot just from working with you for a few months. Even our first meeting was surprising.”

“…Yeah, I didn’t want to be partnered with you because… because you look like Connor.”

“At the time I assumed it was the anti-android bias that Connor and Captain Fowler had discussed with me prior to telling you. But as soon as Fowler chatted with you ever so briefly about it, you flipped things around and were quite welcoming. Perhaps we weren’t _bosom buddies_ from the start, but it was clear to me that your issues weren’t things that had to do with me personally, or even the fact that I was an android, really. Or if they were, it was in a way I couldn’t quite understand. You were despondent for reasons I couldn’t place.”

“Could’ve just been depressed I was partnered with an android.”

“I had no reason to believe that, beyond Connor and Hank’s suggestions on the subject. You don’t treat the androids we work with, on the police force or off, any differently than humans, unlike a number of other officers and admin staff I’m familiar with who have anti-android biases. For a while I actually thought you were considering quitting the job for some reason, and _that_ was the decision weighing heavily on.”

“…What? I wouldn’t…” Sure, he’d thought about it. Most people thought about quitting their jobs. Gavin’s benighted notions of where he’d go with this position had long since passed him by… but he hadn’t… _seriously_ considered it. Recently.

When sober.

“I know. But that was the only explanation I had, given the effects of the Revolution on employee headcount, until Connor explained your previous relationship. We both assumed you were simply having bad luck finding a new ‘fuckbuddy’, as Connor said, and the fact that I looked so much like your last one was probably bothering you.”

“Heh, yeah…”

They were just quiet for a bit. Neither of them had anything to say. The heater turned on. A car honked in the distance.

“…What is it you need, Gavin?”

Gavin sighed. “Look, maybe you’re fine with this, but I don’t want to be a dick. We should stop.”

“…Meeting? Like this?”

“Yeah. It’s not fair to you.”

“Maybe I should be the judge of what’s fair to me, thank you very much.” Nathan’s gaze was sharp.

Gavin flushed. “Sorry.”

Then Nathan _did_ put a hand on Gavin’s wrist, so that Gavin looked at him. Nathan’s gaze was hard. “I’m _not_ Connor. I’ve been open with you, and you’ve been open with me. I want to be with you. You want to get laid. And if me pretending to be Connor works for you, that’s fine.”

Gavin shook his head. “It’s just… hurting, Nathan.”

Nathan released his grip on Gavin’s wrist. “Then that is sufficient reasoning to stop.”

Gavin looked away, then looked back at him. “Look, I don’t want to fuck _him_ … I mean, I do, but… well…” Gavin scratched his head. “Right now I just want to fuck, all right? And I don’t _want_ to pretend I’m fucking him when I’m not. Whether or not you’re fine with it, _I_ don’t like it.” Gavin swallowed. “What if… what if you topped, but I was on my stomach? That way I… I wouldn’t see your face. It might work.”

Nathan considered the idea for a bit.

Gavin swallowed. “Not that you have like an ugly face or anything, but like… it’s always seeing your face that triggers it, so…”

“…That could work.” Nathan smiled. “And by my not having an ugly face, do you mean that you find my face attractive?”

Gavin snorted. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Just fuck me already, geez.”

It did work, mostly. Nathan seemed happy anyway pistoning away, scratching lines down Gavin’s back, squeezing his ass and thighs, and making the desk rock.

The pleasure was mostly distracting from any thoughts of Connor.

It helped that Nathan started saying Gavin’s name softly with every thrust, and Gavin _couldn’t_ forget it was Nathan, not Connor, fucking into him.

So Nathan pushed him to climax and the rest was history.

While Gavin lay there afterward, breathing hard and shutting his eyes as he let the floaty after-orgasm feeling wash over him, Nathan settled down on the bed next to him, his arm over Gavin’s back.

Gavin thought it was nice. Really nice. Nathan’s arm was nice and big and even slightly warm. It made Gavin feel… safe. It was the kind of thing he always wanted in a relationship, but never got. Normally he’d be the one pushing someone away at this point, but the stuff with the crying earlier and talking with Nathan about Connor had already wiped him out before the actual sex. Pushing Nathan away just felt too… difficult. Particularly when he liked it.

It was easy to imagine this as where he wanted to get _someday_ with Connor. It was just hard to get from arguments and hate sex to “hey, wanna cuddle post-coitus?” Gavin was always a bit of a wet noodle after sex, and it was hard to communicate anything at that point, and he was grouchy if someone wanted more from him.

Gavin sighed softly as he thought about how he’d tried near the end of things with Connor to not be such a grump. But… if Connor had even noticed it was too little, too late.

Far too late.

Gavin felt the tears coming, but didn’t open his eyes. He started a little when Nathan brushed his fingers lightly over Gavin’s cheek.

“Gavin?” Nathan asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Why do you even like someone as broken as me?” Gavin asked, his voice cracked, painful, and small.

Nathan’s arm tightened around Gavin, pulling him close.

Normally, Gavin would have fought. But he was just… too tired. He kept his eyes shut. He didn’t want to see more rejection.

“You’re not broken.”

Gavin sniffed, then laughed. “I think today and my life in general would argue otherwise.”

Nathan was quiet for a while, and gently moved his fingers along Gavin’s arm.

Gavin liked that, oddly enough. It was grounding.

“Like most people, you have your struggles. And besides the things I like about you, that I’ll happily restate – that you’re smart, and funny, and physically attractive, that you’re good at your job, and creative – I can see how hard you’re working on your self-improvement. Whether it’s your relationship with, or at least around, Connor, how you treat androids generally, or how you approach your work. And you’ve been nothing but considerate during the time we’ve been together, today in particular. You put my feelings over yours, constantly.”

Gavin swallowed. “…You really think all that? About me?”

“I think it and I observe it.” Nathan moved and pulled Gavin closer, as well. Gavin’s head was tucked up in Nathan’s shoulder.

Gavin huffed a quiet laugh, swallowed, and didn’t say anything, until he finally fell asleep.

* * *

When Gavin woke up in the morning, he blinked, confused at how he was huddled up against someone.

“Good morning,” Nathan said, quietly.

Nathan was still there, holding Gavin close.

Gavin blinked, swallowed, and accidentally snuggled closer. He reasoned at least if Nathan had stayed there all night, he had to be used to it. And Gavin liked the odd warmth. The touch. “Mornin. You uh… stuck around.”

“Yes. You’ll have to forgive me for overstepping. I… wanted to.” Nathan hesitated, then added, “I wanted to stay here. With you. Curled up against me.”

Gavin ‘hmphed’, “Oh yeah. Dangerous, that. Insisting you wanna be around me. Might give a man ideas. I should have asked, though.”

Nathan chuckled, softly. Gavin could feel the rumble in Nathan’s chest, they were that close. “What kind of ideas?”

“Some stupid kind of self-esteem or some shit.”

“Ah. Very dangerous, then,” Nathan deadpanned.

“Might even… make me like you back. A little.” Gavin grimaced. His fool mouth running away with him, as usual. Stupid.

He wasn’t suddenly in love with Nathan. Even he wasn’t _that_ fast.

…But if the way he was curling into the guy and actively not thinking about _someone_ in particular, and thinking more about Nathan’s words the previous evening, was anything to go by… Well, even Gavin could take a hint about some point of where his head was at. Or going. Or might go, really, given a little time.

Nathan was a great guy. Even Gavin could appreciate that. He was hot, snarky, smart, good at what he did, supportive, great at sex, even the little they’d had… And he helped calm Gavin down when he was stressed. Nathan’s one “failing” was looking like Connor. And that was only a failing when Gavin’s stupid brain was thrown in the mix.

Nathan was quiet for a bit, then replied, “Even more dangerous, that.”

Gavin snorted. “Yeah.” Really dangerous. Sure, Nathan liked him _now_ , but…

“I have ordered you a biscuit sandwich for breakfast. We can pick it up while walking to work.”

“…Marry me.”

Nathan laughed, and watching the way his expression lit up, the softness in his eyes as he looked back at Gavin, feeling the way his arm tightened ever so slightly around Gavin’s back… Gavin thought, for the first time in a while, maybe things would be okay.


End file.
